What Can We Get from Society
This topic had never been so serious to me right before I failed a very crucial job interview which could have probably changed my whole life recently. It is the first time that I become to taste those feelings that I have never got chance to feel in my past 20 years life, like being belittled, bewildered, abandoned, abominated, rebuffed, and rejected. And, it is the first time that I become to question that what should I get from the society, and to doubt that what I have got is deserved or not.
Therefore, I try to dig into my memory, searching for the missing part of my soul and individuality. At first I thought it was pride or self-esteem, while, then, I realized that this kind of thing shall never exist in me, and they are never desired for. Then, something hints me that it might be the material enjoyment, though I’m not born with a silver spoon, I’m fortunate enough that impoverishment always disfavor my family. Finally, I perceived that the thing which my consciousness has been longing for secretly, it is the recognition.
The recognition, neither for sensation nor for my ego, is like the air and water which are vital to sustain my being. I want recognition, for it is the reason that I can become who I am right now, while I also distaste it, for it made feel desperate when I failed to reach it. The recognition is like disgusting stink bread for hopeless people who survive from an air crash and happen to be on an island. He has to eat it or he will starve. I’m always in the status of craving for recognition while I never become satisfied or I don’t know whether it is satisfied or not.
I used to think that I might have recognition when I enter the key high school, but someone said, “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s just a high school. You should go to a good university.” Three years later, when I enter the university, they said, “If you don't get a good job, your academic degree is just a piece of shit.” Then, I tried my every effort to find a job with a decent pay and I failed. However, nobody jump out this time and said” You are a god dammed loser. Go to die with your 35 years apartment loan alone!”
Everything and everyone became quiet, and recognition disappeared. I was even becoming to doubt whether it existed at first. I was terrified. Who are THEY? Who told me what should be done and what shouldn’t? Then a fact strikes me that all what we’ve done is to fit the expectation of society, and it gives us something in return, that is recognition. We do as they told, and get returned as they told.
Therefore I don't cease to breathe even when I failed to meet their expectation, and I decide painfully that I'll never breathe for society from now on. They may never give me the recognition and grant me the title of loser, but shall never subjugate me to follow the way they set. I’m on the way of my own, and I have to be.
This topic had never been so serious to me right before I failed a very crucial job interview which could have probably changed my whole life recently. It is the first time that I become to taste those feelings that I have never got chance to feel in my past 20 years life, like being belittled, bewildered, abandoned, abominated, rebuffed, and rejected. And, it is the first time that I become to question that what should I get from the society, and to doubt that what I have got is deserved or not.
Therefore, I try to dig into my memory, searching for the missing part of my soul and individuality. At first I thought it was pride or self-esteem, while, then, I realized that this kind of thing shall never exist in me, and they are never desired for. Then, something hints me that it might be the material enjoyment, though I’m not born with a silver spoon, I’m fortunate enough that impoverishment always disfavor my family. Finally, I perceived that the thing which my consciousness has been longing for secretly, it is the recognition.
The recognition, neither for sensation nor for my ego, is like the air and water which are vital to sustain my being. I want recognition, for it is the reason that I can become who I am right now, while I also distaste it, for it made feel desperate when I failed to reach it. The recognition is like disgusting stink bread for hopeless people who survive from an air crash and happen to be on an island. He has to eat it or he will starve. I’m always in the status of craving for recognition while I never become satisfied or I don’t know whether it is satisfied or not.
I used to think that I might have recognition when I enter the key high school, but someone said, “It doesn’t make any sense. It’s just a high school. You should go to a good university.” Three years later, when I enter the university, they said, “If you don't get a good job, your academic degree is just a piece of shit.” Then, I tried my every effort to find a job with a decent pay and I failed. However, nobody jump out this time and said” You are a god dammed loser. Go to die with your 35 years apartment loan alone!”
Everything and everyone became quiet, and recognition disappeared. I was even becoming to doubt whether it existed at first. I was terrified. Who are THEY? Who told me what should be done and what shouldn’t? Then a fact strikes me that all what we’ve done is to fit the expectation of society, and it gives us something in return, that is recognition. We do as they told, and get returned as they told.
Therefore I don't cease to breathe even when I failed to meet their expectation, and I decide painfully that I'll never breathe for society from now on. They may never give me the recognition and grant me the title of loser, but shall never subjugate me to follow the way they set. I’m on the way of my own, and I have to be.
